OK, as I was out and about this weekend, the issue of flowers was brought up on more than one occasion. Specifically, it was the question of whether it is a good idea for guys to give their significant others a nice bouquet from time-to-time. Given past experience, I would like to say this to all men out there... "Don't do it! Don't fall into that trap!" I know this sounds cold and unromantic, but allow me a moment to explain.

Men are always taught from a young age that giving flowers to their girl is a nice thing to do, and doing nice things will make for a happier relationship. While this may be true in the short-term, it makes for a poor long-term strategy. Giving flowers is surely a nice thing to do, but it will start a vicious cycle. What cycle is this? I'll tell you... but I think most of you already know. It starts the "How come you never buy me flowers anymore?" cycle. Unless you are prepared to give flowers on a fairly regular time schedule, you should never buy flowers in the first place.

I know this sounds harsh and heartless, but let's look at it from a non-emotional perspective for a moment. You are basically paying good money for a dying plant that will smell good for a day or two. You will have a happy woman around you for a little longer... but as the saying goes, "No good deed ever goes unpunished." You are now on the hook to forever deliver flowers with reasonable frequency or else next time you get into an argument of any sort, she has ammunition. She has proof that you are neglectful and uncaring... after all, "You never buy her flowers anymore." It's much easier to answer the flower accusation if you never bought her flowers in the first place.

The worst part of performing this good deed is that eventually it becomes an expectation. Then even when you DO deliver the goods, it's more of a common thing than a good deed. The more you give, the less it means because you always do it... and that is the suck. So best not to start, then if ever the day comes that you fuck up really badly, you have that ace up your sleeve.

Bonus Rant: I was at the ATM this morning, and the first question asked was "What language do you want?" I hit English, but for some reason I got a Spanish subtitle to every question anyway. Is that really necessary? Why ask what language I want if I'm going to get both anyway? WTF? Are they trying to teach me Spanish for some reason? And why have they dumbed-down these machines? I'll give an example, instead of asking for my PIN number like in the old days, it now asks for my "Secret Code." Was PIN number really too confusing to some people? Did people have a tendency to freeze and not know that this is the point where they enter their four-digit code? WAS THIS REALLY A PROBLEM????? When they put these programs into service, do they really need to make sure that even the most dimwitted fool can use the machine!? I say it's time we stopped catering to the least intelligent among us and started demanding that they wise-up. I'm pretty sure that if we expect more from them, they will have no choice but to rise up to a functional level of competence or simply fade into the background as mainstream society becomes inaccessible to their level of stupidity